May 28th

"Reach for the sky"
Woody, Toy Story

When I was younger I believed I could do anything I wanted to do, be anything I wanted to be. Since then I've had times when I've been convinced that I will never be anything or achieve anything worthwhile. I guess life can do that to you sometimes...

On the days when I need a bit of help I do look to the sky. I talk to the moon almost every night and pass on my thanks for the good things of the day and ask for strength to cope with the harder things in life. I look up and wonder if my Nan and Grandad are watching over me and sending me their strength and wisdom - it often feels like they are.

The photo is of one of the four roof hatches in our boat. It's taking ages to get the boat re-fitted around our normal busy lives. Parbold was sunk when we bought her but she has a massive history and absolutely needed to be saved. A bit like us all really :)

I adore having those huge windows in the roof - they allow me to see the stars every night and bask in the warmth of the sun during the daytimes. Watching the rain fall and listening it to it dripping off the boat into the canal is a wonderful safe feeling. Well, it is now it doesn't leak in anymore. You can see where the panelling is only partly finished on the roof, but one day everything will be just perfect.

May 27th

"Mirror mirror on the wall, who is the fairest of them all ?"
Wicked Stepmother from Snow White



The worst view in the world is the one in my mirror.
Never have liked it and probably never will.
Good job I never actually have to look in one unless I choose to....

May 26th

“If you were all alone in the universe with no one to talk to, no one with which to share the beauty of the stars, to laugh with, to touch, what would be your purpose in life? It is other life, it is love, which gives your life meaning. This is harmony. We must discover the joy of each other, the joy of challenge, the joy of growth.”
Mitsugi Saotome (b. 1937)
Aikido instructor, author



As much as I like my own space life without my family would be inconceivable. They make the sun shine and the world seem sweeter; they are 'my working week and my Sunday rest, my noon, my midnight, my talk, my song'. We are six, but we are one - may we be that way forever.

Layout 21

Its time to choose a quote from the past week and scrap it!

We need to give each other the space to grow, to be ourselves, to exercise our diversity. We need to give each other space so that we may both give and receive such beautiful things as ideas, openness, dignity, joy, healing, and inclusion.”
- Max De Pree (b.1924), author, former CEO of Herman Miller, Inc.

May 25th

“Consider the rights of others before your own feelings, and the feelings of others before your own rights.”
John R. Wooden (b. 1910) basketball coach, author



What is this - lessons for my children? The last four days prompts are all things that I have tried to instil into them. This one reminds me particularly of my second daughter. She is 12 now, but for quite a while one of her favourite sayings has been 'It's nice to be important but it's more important to be nice". I guess in the words of a child that's pretty much the same as todays prompt.

Love you Calli :)

May 24th

We need to give each other the space to grow, to be ourselves, to exercise our diversity. We need to give each other space so that we may both give and receive such beautiful things as ideas, openness, dignity, joy, healing, and inclusion.”
Max De Pree (b.1924)
author, former CEO of Herman Miller, Inc



Space to grow. that's what I am looking for right now. Space to be me rather than anyone's mum or anyone's wife - or anyone's anything really.

My children are growing fast into unique and wonderful people. They are all so different from each other. That often suprises me as they are, after all, sisters and have had the same influences throughout their lives. Others have told me that their variation comes from being allowed the space to be themselves and maybe that is true. All I know is that they are who they are. They have always been who they are. From birth they had different souls and different personalities; all I have done is watch them develop into the beautiful people they were meant to be. Hopefully with as little damage as possible along the way.

But now is my time. For some reason I feel like I have been dormant as they have grown and if I don't find my own space, my own center of being, then I will have nothing left to help those around me be strong and supported.

May 23rd

“Strive to be first: first to nod, first to smile, first to compliment, and first to forgive.”
Anonymous



I have tried so hard to teach my children this message. Having four quite close together in age means that, at times, they can get quite resentful of arguments, perceived unfairnessess and chores, done or undone. One of them has to be the first to re-build the bridges and often all it takes is a smile or a gentle word rather than more vitriolic snapping at each other. Unfortuntely I have learnt first hand the meaning of 'escalation' since I had children: the smallest things can get totally blown out of all proportion in such a short space of time. I try to lead by example and always make an effort to apologise to them if I get snappy or unreasonable (and boy do I do that at times!)

Every now and again I see little signs that the message is getting through a little. Little notes sometimes appear with sweet words for a sister (yes - I am trying to ignore the ones with harsh insults but those I tend to find hidden in the writer's books rather than kept in the recipient's pockets, so I'm hoping those are the ones that don't get delivered).

One of my greatest joys at the moment is a game my youngest two girls play in the car. They call it 'Sweet or Sour' - it involves waving madly at anyone they pass and seeing who is sweet enough to wave back. Did you know strangers seem to find it impossible to wave at little girls in cars without also grinning at them... :)

Photography prompt 4

My first bokeh image.
May it be the first of many...

---

"Bokeh (from the Japanese boke ボケ, "blur") is a photographic term referring to the appearance of out-of-focus areas in an image produced by a camera lens. Different lens bokeh produces different aesthetic qualities in out-of-focus backgrounds, which are often used to reduce distractions and emphasize the primary subject.

This week try focusing on achieving good "Bokeh", also known as "circles of confusion"

When I first read this prompt I though "Yay - great - I've been meaning to go back to the depth of field stuff I was trying out with my camera last week!" So I looked around on the 'net to try and remind myself which bits of my camera I had to twiddle to change the aperture and went out to take flower photos.

Then I came back and while I was downloading my photos to the PC I took a quick look at the flickr discussion Ann mentioned. That led me to this discussion and by that time I realsied that there is far more to bokeh that just getting a narrow depth of field. Well - it's a Japanese term. What should I have expected. Their whole outlook on life is so much more spiritual and complete, and generally much more beautiful, than that of Western society.

For years I always tried to get the whole of a photo in sharp focus. I blame it on my terrible short-sightedness. I love photos by Edwin Smith (who also had terrible sight apparently), especially his architectural shots, because they are so crisp and clear; almost otherworldy in their extreme sharpness. And he used an old bellows type camera to get his beautiful images.


Didmarton Church by Edwin Smith (1961)

Looking at the bokeh images has shown me the beauty that exists in not seeing everything, the intensity that can be achieved through a strong focus on a specific part of a viewpoint. I'll never stop loving the clarity of Edwin Smith but I will also be a lot more flexible in my photography now. Thanks Ann!

My favourites from the flickr groups:
(there's 4475 images in one group so far and so far I only managed
to look at the first 200 or so)


blueberry nights by Sikario

One specially for Caroline:
_MG_4119 by sundow.moonkiss

quiznight10 by eljustinoid

red guirland by yukka1507

May 22nd

“Open your heart - open it wide; someone is standing outside.”
Mary Engelbreit
artist, entrepreneur



When I read the prompt for this morning I thought maybe I'd write about the profound difference that my unconditional love for my daughters has made to my lfe, or maybe about how I need to learn to accept the love of those around me without doubt or questions.

Then I lived today and realised that something far more important was screaming to be let out of my heart today: I LOVE SHOES and I really really hope that if I open my heart wide enough more shoes will come in and let me cuddle them.
Maybe it's because my feet still don't look fat so I never mind dressing them up and looking at them.
Maybe it's because an elegant pair of shoes make me feel like a real lady rather than just a saggy, slightly haggard mum of four.
Maybe it's just the girlie in me showing through.

Whatever - to all the pretty shoes out there - my heart is wide open so please feel free to come inside and share my life.

On a totally different facet of this theme - a traffic warden let me off a parking ticket while I was shoe shopping today. We got back to the car almost 45 minutes after the ticket ran out. The guy was just taking photos of the car but we must have looked very apologetic as we smiled sweetly at him because he said, "Oh don't worry about it - just go."

So my second message for the day has to be: even traffic wardens can feel the love if you give them a chance.

Oh - and only the gold pair are mine. The others belong to DD2, DD3 and DD4.
DD2 is the same size as me now though so you never know where those pretty red sandles might end up....

May 21st

"I feel the capacity to care is the thing which gives life its deepest significance"
Pablo Casals (1876-1973)
cellist, conductor



Caring does give life its deepest significance but also it's greatest wastes of time. I spend far too much time caring about the silly little things that I really should let go and about the things I can't change no matter how hard I try.

• Should I care that someone might notice my toenails are past due for re-varnishing?


• Should I care so much that DD1 doesn't ever seem to get off her adorable butt and do anything until it's overdue or I nag her into it out of worry? (I think only her starting to care will change that issue)


• Should I care that my LOs are 'not good enough' for other people to see?


• Should I care that my SIL doesn't approve of my way of life?

On the other hand I know that I really don't care about:

• The other mum's at school seriously disapproving of DD4's penchant for mis-matched socks


• Junior school homework not getting done because there are trees that desperately need to be climbed (they're 8 for heaven's sake - why do they need homework so young?)


• being seen in Tescos covered in paint because I lost track of time but I still need to pick up milk and bread before the kids come home

Not caring about these things means that I'm better than I was a while ago, although I still have a way to go.

The serenity prayer (Reinhold Niebuhr) asks "Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; the courage to change the things I can; the wisdom to know the difference" - can I please add that the gods also grant me the wisdom to know what I should waste my time caring about, and when, beacuse my life is too full to manage it all, all of the time!

May 20th

“Once you choose hope, anything's possible.”
Christopher Reeve (1952-2004), actor, producer, director, and writer
best known for his role as Superman.



Hope is a delicate, fragile thing, a pinprick of light in the darkness, a new seed sprouting in the deep empty soil. With hope comes the beginning of all possibilities. Nuture it, feed it, allow it to grow and it becomes stronger.



Nurture it enough and it becomes belief. Once belief is rooted deeply and allowed to reach towards the sun there is no doubt that one day it will blossom into beauty and produce the fruits that are your dreams. All that is left then is to harvest and enjoy.

PS - you'll have to wait to see the fruits of our growing hopes...

Layout 20

We are artists, creaters, scrapbookers. Use the word that best describes you from last week. Try a new technique!



New techniques used - well lots as scrapping is so new to me

painting on trasparency

sewing material onto the LO (samples of the fabrics used in the dresses)

hidden journalling

May 19th

"Dream"



I dream of a tidy home with enough places to put everything
I dream of a positive balance in my life (and in my bank)
I dream of a garden that never grows bindweed
I dream of my children grown, enjoying the lifes they have chosen
I dream of time alone with my love
I dream of chocolate cake and cream
I dream of a dishwasher that packs and unpacks itself

I dream of being happy with all that I am and with my life exactly the way it is

May 18th

"One"



For most of my childhood I was one: and only child of an only child.
Often alone but rarely lonely.
Now we are six: me, my love and our four girls. Six in a small space, so almost never alone. For over eleven years I had at least one pre-school child with me and I was absolutely never, ever alone. It's almost the end of the weekend and here that means constant noise, questions, needs, phones, friends and always my family around. It's wonderful but it's hectic.
Sometimes I welcome the time to just be one...

May 17th

He(art)"



I know little about art.
My heart is analytical and scientific, not artistic. Although I have heard it said that art comes from the heart and science from the mind. Does this mean I have no heart?
That can't be true.
I know my heart beats strong and true.
I know my heart loves deeply.

May 16th

"Create"



My Nan died earlier this year (no commiserations - she had a great, long life and was well past ready to be finished with it). She spent all her life making clothes for herself - and for me as I grew up - and her knitting, tatting and embroidery were a permanent part of her daily life. She and my Mum taught me to knit and to sew but I never learnt to tat. It saddens me as that skill has died with her, at least as far as our family is concernced.

I inherited her sewing machine which I totally love! It's about 50 years old and it's solid and reassuring and beautiful. The gentle colour of the enamelled metal body is so strokeable and calming and the thought of all the things this machine has made over the years is amazing. My wedding dress was made on this machine, and my school uniform.

I've not done any sewing for ages and I had no idea if I would even remember how. Thing is - my Mum is getting married at the end of the month and my girls and I needed something pretty to wear. Trying to get clothes that suit the totally contrasting personalities of my glorious daughters was never going to be easy. Getting clothes that suited each girl and also didn't clash horrible in the photos was a task that filled me with dread. Only one solution really... get out Nannan's machine and go for it.

This whole process has filled me with trepidation and joy. Trepidation in that I had no idea if I could make anything well enough for a wedding (or well enough to satisfy my perfectionist Nan, who would undoubtedly be watching and assessing every stitch from where ever she happens to be now) and joy as they clothes have come together so easily and seem so right for my girls. Also realising that I can make stuff for myself forever is just wonderful. I rarely find clothes that I like and that have any hint of my personality in the highstreet. On the rare occasion that I find something I love it's normally well out of my price range or in some boring colour (or too damn small!).

From now on I CAN CREATE MYSELF by making clothes that express the me I want to be. How cool is that???



Couldn't resist posting this one too 'cos I'm just so proud of how they are going and I needed to brag a little - he he

May 15th

"Inspire"



I posted this photo today, even though it's a few years old, for lots of reasons. It is one of my favourite photos out af all the ones I have taken (and seen) of my daughters. It inspires a feeling of calm and peace deep in my soul seeing them so happy together like this.

I hope that I am an inspiration to them throughout their lives. (You! Inspire anyone the way you are right now? NO! BAD GIRL! Don't run yourself down! You have a strong spirit and you'll shine again soon!) I hope that I can inspire them to live life to the full, but to always find peace and beauty in life. To always reach out for whatever fuels their dreams and to never settle for being anything that they feel they 'should' be just because others expect that of them. Their dreams and hopes are nothing without the knowledge that they can strive to achieve them one day. After all - what are dreams for....

May 14th

'Discover'



A perfect word to prompt me as my whole life at the moment is about discovery.
I'm trying so hard to discover who I actually am now, who I want to bewhere I want to go.

For so long I have been a mother, a wife and a daughter that somewhere along the line I lost 'me'. I know who I was and I remember all the dreams I had for my life, but that person has changed so much and become submerged in the vibrant, wonderful family that is growing around me.

I don't even want to be that person any more as my life is so much richer now.

But that doesn't mean that it's been easy accepting that my life is not what I expected. Over the last couple of years I have been too worried about the little things, too hung up on what people want from me and too busy just getting through the days that I have forgotton how to kick back and enjoy this wonderful world. I began this blog to remind myself to take time out to remember how great my life really is and to teach me to re-discover peace and happiness.

And also to discover the person inside me that has been screaming for a chance to get out and play.

May 13th

"Play"



OK - so this is a totally cheat photo cos I didn't take it at all.
I've spent the afternoon playing with my camera and trying to get to know it better. I've used it on auto-everything since I got it and it's way past time I tried to work out all the things it's capable of. Yesterday I managed to get the timer working - pretty essential for self-portraits really. Today I've been playing with depth of field. Still not really happy with the results cos I never quite get what I expect.

Ah well, time and patience dear girl, time and patience...

May 12th

"Just a perfect day
Drink sangria in the park
And then later,
when it gets dark,
we'll go home
Just a perfect day
Feed animals in the zoo
Then later a movie too,
and then home"
Lou Reed



Sunshine, my daughters and a daisy chain crown.
Seems pretty perfect to me.

May 11th

"There's nothing you can do that can't be done.
Nothing you can sing that can't be sung.
Nothing you can say but you can learn how to play the game.
It's easy.
There's nothing you can make that can't be made.
No one you can save that can't be saved.
Nothing you can do but you can learn how to be in time.
It's easy.
All you need is love, all you need is love,"
Beatles



sure do love this girl of mine!

I love all four of my girls so much but she is my first born, my oldest, my pathfinder.
she's also virtually impossible to get a photo of - let alone a decent photo. I managed to talk her into coming and spending a few minutes just posing for me and for once it actually worked. this picture just catches her so well: her humour and life and the look in her eyes that I know so well.

so I love this photo... of this girl... on this day...

May 10th

"If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life"

Snow Patrol

May 1st

“A house is made of walls and beams;
a home is built with love and dreams”
anon



And sometimes a home just isn't a house at all...